Holding Hope in the Midst of Loss
When April Kerner was diagnosed with end-stage ALS, her family’s world changed in an instant. Her husband, Bill, faced the overwhelming challenges of caregiving, grief, and the emotional toll of loss. Through Inheritance of Hope, he found community and strength, learned to process his emotions, and discovered a way to honor April’s life. Today, he channels that hope into creating resources for other families facing ALS, turning tragedy into purpose.
A Sudden Fall: The Beginning of a Journey
On Mother’s Day of 2022, April Kerner and her husband Bill were walking around the mall when she suddenly fell down and could not get back up. Bill had to physically lift her up, prompting a series of doctor’s visits to see what was happening to her.
Various specialists checked April’s knees, hips and spine only to be met with more questions than answers. It wasn’t until April was reminded of her mother’s complications with neurological issues shortly before her death, that the couple decided to give a neurologist a shot.
Three months passed before April’s first appointment with the neurologist. After several tests, April was diagnosed with endstage Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) and was told that she only had a few months left to live.
A Devastating Diagnosis
When Bill heard about this prognosis, he felt like he needed to “do everything he could for that person he loved and he cared about.”
Aside from the anticipatory grief the family was feeling, the immediate effects of the diagnosis led to April uncontrollably falling because of her leg weakness. A car accident at a stoplight on the way to work marked an end to April’s work life, which left Bill with taking care of household duties, care for their three young children, and April all at once.
Bill said that “watching the woman you love slowly die and being taken from you changes you as a person going through all that.”
The disease was traveling quickly, and two and a half years later, April suffered a hypoxic injury that would leave her in a vegetative state if she didn’t recover within 72 hours. The only part of her body that could still move was her eyes as she suffered a devastating final seizure.
It was around this time that the doctors got hospice involved and Bill called his neighbors to drop their children off at the hospital where they could say one last goodbye to their mother.
As April was taking her last breaths, Bill put on their wedding song and danced one last time with her.He said that he “wanted her to go out comforted knowing she was there with people that loved her.”
Hope in the Darkest Moments
Bill grieved for his wife and her life ending so abruptly. He grieved for his children who were too young to really know their mother. Then, he grieved for himself.
As April’s caregiver, he felt a part of himself leave with her. He didn’t really know who he was anymore. Bill stated that while this was going on he felt weak and “I don’t want to feel weak. I want to feel empowered and that I’m not a weak person. So it comes out wrongly as anger and it’s unhealthy too.”
His anger would manifest into something darker as he contemplated suicide. “I got close to doing something stupid at one point and taking a bottle of pills because I didn’t know how to handle it.” It was then that Bill knew he needed an intervention.
During this time, Bill became more involved with Inheritance of Hope. Though his family was previously served at a Legacy Retreat® while April was alive, Bill’s connection to the program strengthened when he got involved with the caregiver Hope@Home™ Group. Bill recalled that the program was “literally a lifesaver because I was in a real dark place.” He realized he needed to share his experiences with others to feel less overwhelmed with his emotions and like he was even allowed to have these emotions in the first place.
He mentioned that usually he’s “not an emotional person. I’m more stoic. I came from being raised that men don’t feel. Men provide. They suck it up and they move forward. So, that’s what I’ve always had through the caregiver work and things like that. [The Group} has allowed me to kind of shed that and deal with emotions. So, it’s helped a lot.”
Finding Community, Strength, and Purpose After Loss
Bill noted that a new sense of community helped him cope with the loss of April when he was stuck in that dark place. “I was broken throughout everything and now I’m rebuilding myself. I want to rebuild myself as a better person to honor her.” He wants to share this ambition with others going through something similar.
Currently ALS has no cure, but Bill aims to create a nonprofit in April’s honor for other families dealing with ALS called April’s Army. Through this nonprofit, Bill hopes to provide individuals access to some of the financial and emotional resources that helped his family cope with the diagnosis as a way of paying forward the kindness shared with him from the Inheritance of Hope community.
Hear more of Bill’s story on the Inheritance of Hope Podcast. Listen now >>
Kennedy Owens a Storytelling Intern at Inheritance of Hope. She is currently a sophomore at Florida Southern College with a major in advertising and public relations, and is an active participant on her school campus as the Event Coordinator for the Young Adults Self Advocates club and Brand Manager for the school’s radio station The Hiss. She enjoys all things writing-related and likes to serve her community the best she can.