Amy Shaw is a widow within the Inheritance of Hope community who in the year of 2019, received the shocking news that her husband was dying from stage 4 glioblastoma brain cancer. As a family with 10 children, things were already pretty hectic as is, but the family still adapted to the new diagnosis and became even closer during it.

How It Started: An Unexpected Diagnosis

For the first time in their marriage, Amy Shaw’s husband Brian unexpectedly took a sick day. A bad case of the flu was going around his office so Amy wasn’t worried at first, until she checked up on him after taking their children to the bus stop. Amy’s normally well-spoken husband was now having difficulties forming sentences.

“He was very frustrated and he had a really bad headache and he kept stopping and holding his head….He would pray that God would help him with his words.” Amy said, recalling how bizarre the situation was, even getting to the point where Amy had to dial 911.

Then the 2020 pandemic hit. While a hectic time for everyone, it was especially hectic for Jauwaun who was told that she had a large mass inside of her uterus. The next year, she had a hysterectomy to see if the procedure would protect her body from more serious conditions.

When an ambulance finally arrived, they didn’t find any indication that he was suffering from a stroke but still wanted to take him to the ER to see if anything else was to blame. A mass was then discovered in his brain before he was transferred to a larger hospital for further inspection. 

After the mass was tested, it came back positive for stage 4 glioblastoma and the surgeon very bluntly told Brian that “there is a 100% chance you’re going to die,” as well as gave him a 12 month timeline even with treatment because of how aggressive glioblastomas were.

It was rough hearing this news because he seemed so healthy before and they’d “Already had our fair share of losses. We buried a child…We had just buried his dad about two years before and so it was just like ‘what, how can this happen?’” Not to mention that their family had just become larger after adopting two more daughters a few months prior.

When hearing that Brian was having health problems, their pastor visited them and recommended that Amy pull their kids out of school for the day so that they could hear what was going on.

The family maintained clear communication with one another throughout the situation, to the point where “We never hid our tears from our kids, we cried with our kids.”

This played a big role in processing their grief because Amy has spoken with some families who kept terminal illness a secret to “protect” their kids, until the very end. Noting that their kids typically felt alienated and resentful towards their remaining parent because of the lack of communication.

Adapting to New Circumstances: Creating a Legacy

Once hearing that he had one of the most aggressive brain cancers, Brian could no longer work and had to get Social Security Disability (SSDI). Since the family already had 10 kids, some of which with special needs, to say it was hectic would probably be an understatement. But the family still managed to pivot and even attended one of Inheritance of Hope’s Legacy Retreats® in April of 2019 after Brian lived past the 12 month mark.

During the retreat, he recorded a Legacy Video™ despite initially being hesitant. Though an introvert at heart, Brian surprisingly had a lot to say to his family with his video being one hour long when he finished recording.  

The family also later recorded videos of Brian walking each of his 6 daughters down the aisle in  wedding dresses to have played at their future weddings. 

When COVID-19 rolled around, though still a very hectic time, Amy felt that the“pandemic really sealed us in as a family.” and it helped them enjoy their extra time with Brian because they got to be “home every day, all day and he was a delight and such a gift.”

“When you start understanding…more joy comes.” Amy remarked, recognizing that though her family “probably cried, at least everyday”, it was easier to process hardship when they stopped feeling consumed by the heaviness of the diagnosis.

When Brian passed away, he had lived 37 months with his diagnosis. 25 months more than the doctors said he would. Amy uses this as a reminder to cherish everyday because you never know how much longer you’ll have left.

Moving Forward: Bringing Hope to Other Families

Amy decided to share this feeling through a book she wrote called ‘Navigating Goodbye: A Guide for Those Blindsided by Terminal Illness’ because she wanted “to let people know there’s more to this. You can have so much joy, even in hardship.”

In the book, she details her experiences dealing with different treatments all the way to hospice and how to help those struggling with a terminal diagnosis. Much of the information on legacy-building in the book came from the Inheritance of Hope community because “you guys were critical in our ability to recognize now is the time to leave a legacy.”