Nicole Riley was only 20 years old when her father Bobby was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The already hectic years of her college career became even more intense overnight as she began to take over certain responsibilities for her family. Now several years after the situation, Nicole had a sit-down conversation with the Inheritance of Hope Podcast’s host, Ellie Ledin, to chat about both life after loss and the numerous coping mechanisms she developed over time to help her deal with it.

Life After Diagnosis: Nicole Steps Up

When Nicole Riley’s father Bobby was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the family was shocked because he was only 50 at the time. So many big milestones had yet to be hit and so many family traditions Bobby had created himself, such as the daddy-daughter birthday lunches he brought Nicole on, were all in danger of coming to an end. 

Though this news rocked Nicole’s world, she immediately kicked into gear and began looking after her siblings and helping her father. Eventually, her father was moved to a Moffitt Cancer Center near her college campus where she visited him. “In between some of my school sessions, I would go over and sit with my dad during chemo treatments and he’s like ‘why are you here? You need to be off the call doing your thing.’ I’m like, ‘there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.’” Nicole said. 

She considers herself fortunate for being so close to her father’s treatment facility because she almost attended the University of Florida, a college a few hours away from her family’s home where most of her relatives before her went. Nicole wasn’t accepted into the college but went to the University of South Florida because it was next on her list. 

Nicole also stepped up when her father needed to go out to Texas for a clinical trial. Around this time, she looked after her younger siblings alongside her other family members.

An Emotional Rift

She was happy to help, but also dealing with some anxiety over this diagnosis and new circumstance. “My body would physically wake me up at like 4 or 5 in the morning like clockwork. I was so nauseated, it was almost like a reflex type thing and I would not find relief,” Nicole said. This went on for weeks and then months, causing her to see multiple doctors.

To combat these restless feelings, she began journaling about the topics that resonated with her while reading scripture. Knowing that her father was also feeling anxious over this diagnosis, she gave him these journal entries to help him cope as well. Nicole remarked, “looking back, that is what carried me and sustained me in my processing.”

Around this time, Nicole’s then boyfriend of a few years proposed to her. This was exciting, but also nerve racking because Nicole wanted her father to attend the wedding and they didn’t know how much time he would have left. “Come September, we got the news that we didn’t have that long so we needed to make a decision for him to be there,” Nicole said.

The couple ended up moving the wedding to her birthday but her dad joked that she couldn’t “plan her wedding on a Florida Gator football game. We’re at the home game” because he was such a big fan of the team.

While preparing for the ceremony, Nicole remembered how her “church family came together and said ‘I’m going to do this’ and ‘let me cover that for you.’ ‘I would like to do your flowers.’ ‘Let me take your wedding photos.’” This made it easier for the couple to have their ceremony on the new date.

When the day finally came, her father held on through the ceremony and passed three days later in October of 2012. Nicole said, “It was like a whirlwind of emotions of navigating a new marriage, stepping apart from family, grieving my dad’s loss, feeling guilt from not processing and being with my family.”

Remedying the Rift

To cope with so many things going on all at once, Nicole began therapy. “It took a lot of years to work through and grieve and process that this was our story and this was our journey,” Nicole said. “I look back and I wouldn’t be that person that I am now without that.”

She also got involved by joining the Inheritance of Hope team around 10 years. Nicole remarked, “To now be able to serve families similar to mine has been one of the sweetest gifts I didn’t know I needed.”

She also shares that serving in the Life After Loss Hope@Home™ Group had impacted her personally. “That group was so healing for me even at that point 10, 11 years later to be able to say ‘Man, this is something I wish we had available for our families then to be able to have conversations with people that could relate to your pain.’”

Through Inheritance of Hope, Nicole was able to fully accept the passing of her father, a transition she was once afraid of but felt more comfortable doing after “serving in groups and experiencing those conversations” with others in similar situations to her.

Hear more of Nicole’s story on the Inheritance of Hope Podcast. Listen now >>

Kennedy Owens a Storytelling Intern at Inheritance of Hope. She is currently a sophomore at Florida Southern College with a major in advertising and public relations, and is an active participant on her school campus as the Event Coordinator for the Young Adults Self Advocates club and Brand Manager for the school’s radio station The Hiss. She enjoys all things writing-related and likes to serve her community the best she can.