Ellie Ledin (00:01.015)
Hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Inheritance of Hope podcast. I'm Ellie and I'm your host again today and I'm excited to have a good conversation with someone who has just a really beautiful story and a lot of things worth sharing. So I'm so excited to like give her the microphone and let her inspire us and share her story. So go ahead and introduce yourself.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (00:21.069)
My name is Jacqueline Frannicar and my husband Kevin and I are four kids live just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota and I have stage four breast cancer.
Ellie Ledin (00:41.177)
Well, thanks for joining us today. I also am in the general Twin Cities area, so I'm sure we're fairly close, but we are doing this call over, or video call, which is not as fun, but definitely more accessible. yeah. Yeah. Yeah, how old are your kids?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (00:55.095)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (00:58.847)
Yeah, so easy. Especially with the four kids I mentioned.
Yeah, so Cooper is 15. He'll be getting his license this fall, which is going to save me so much driving time. But I will miss that quiet time with just the two of us. And then Parker's 13. Drew is 10. And then our daughter, Peyton, is seven.
Ellie Ledin (01:26.539)
Yeah, that's quite the spread. Lots of different life things happening.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (01:29.878)
gosh, so much. It's, yeah, we're in every phase of everything all the time.
Ellie Ledin (01:36.173)
Yeah, so I mean that in and of itself is probably a lot, but then add something like metastatic breast cancer to the mix that probably really complicates things.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (01:45.173)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it really does. I mean, we've settled in now. But when I was diagnosed especially, I mean, that will be five years now. But yeah, so 10-year-old, eight-year-old, and do them quick math for me. But I mean, they were much littler and had different needs then. Yeah, so it definitely complicated things.
Ellie Ledin (02:17.227)
Yeah, yeah tell us how illness has been a part of your journey and like what has that looked like for your family structure?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (02:27.348)
Yeah, gosh, it feels so normal now, but I mean, because like I said, we've settled into this, but I mean, even just thinking back to when it was so fresh for us, I would drive home as fast as I could from chemotherapy because I did not want to miss carpool pickup for the kids because I wanted to keep things so normal.
We relied so much on and still do out of necessity, but you know, community, our family and friends to pick up where, you know, the slack of all the places that were extra complicated when I was in the trenches of treatment and surgeries. the kids, I like to tell this story cause it really, you know, you think that the kids
They're going about their regular daily lives and they're not impacted as much as you think. But when I was going through chemotherapy and didn't have hair, our oldest is a hockey player. A couple other of the kids are too, but he likes to grow his hair out and have hockey hair. And one night he kind of disappeared and we didn't think much of it. Thought he was in the other room playing or any...
had gone in the bathroom and shaved his head too. So he came out with, yeah. you know, it's, so I'm sure that they are different people than they would have been had this not happened to our family. And I think about our daughter in particular, cause she's seven now. And so she was, you know, two-ish and this is really all she'll know of me is having cancer.
Yeah, so it definitely has built, yeah, different, very empathetic children. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (04:31.853)
Yeah, yeah, shaving your head because your mom is losing her hair is definitely a move of empathy.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (04:36.971)
Yeah. man. Yeah, really good. Really great kiddos.
Ellie Ledin (04:44.651)
Yeah, what was it like first receiving that diagnosis? And were there any signs that something was off or was it just really out of the blue?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (04:55.147)
It was incredibly out of the blue. was 2020. so global pandemic was really just, we were just starting that because this was early in 2020. but I went for my annual exam, maybe just because I wanted to get out of the house because I was homeschooling all the kids and distance learning. But I made sure that I went to that appointment and
Ellie Ledin (05:01.197)
Hmm.
Ellie Ledin (05:22.541)
You
Jacquelyn Vranicar (05:25.161)
It included a breast exam and know, top to bottom, everything was fine. All my tests came back normal and I was really healthy. My mom had died of stomach cancer in 2006, so 14 years prior to that. And so after my mom's death, I had done genetic counseling and I had done a panel of genetic testing and I was...
I had stopped drinking diet coke and I was eating kale chips and running a lot. Like I was really on top of my health. And that's probably why I went for that annual exam, despite, you know, the inconvenience of the pandemic. And so I think it was intuition that brought me in. I'd like to think maybe my mom had a hand in, you know, that woman's intuition of like, Hey, something's going on.
Ellie Ledin (05:55.181)
You
Ellie Ledin (06:13.517)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (06:20.97)
So yeah, after that appointment, shared my unease with my doctor and she's like, well, let's just put your mind at rest and I'll order some extra tests. And I was 38, so insurance wouldn't cover mammogram unless I had a referral. So she referred me for an early mammogram and yeah, I went and then we found my tumor and I still couldn't feel it even after I knew it was there. I had a really hard time locating it.
And then subsequent scans showed that it was in my liver at that point. And so, yeah, I was stage four from my very first mammogram at 38. And I remember, see, it's complicated because we thought I was stage two and I went through chemotherapy. And then one of my scans showed that spot on my liver and it looked benign.
So we thought it was just a benign tumor. And then I opted to have it removed though. And after that liver resection, the pathology showed that it was breast cancer that was in my liver. And so when I was going through treatment thinking that there was an end, like I would be done, I would go through a hard year of treatment and then I would be deemed cured. And then when that pathology came back and I...
Ellie Ledin (07:39.021)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (07:43.05)
realized I was stage four, like that's when I felt like the rug got ripped out from under like a sucker punch because I thought I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know that it was incurable. I didn't know the survival rate stats around that. Yeah. And so that really became devastating because I started calculating the kids' ages. I was like, okay, gosh, if the five year...
Ellie Ledin (08:08.749)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (08:11.465)
survival is 22%. Like in five years, if I make it five years, how old are the kids? And then I would search things like, well, what, at that age, what is a child's memory capability? Like, will they remember me? Yeah, so that's also when I let go some of my pride and I was like, I probably should be on an anti-anxiety prescription. Because man.
Ellie Ledin (08:23.521)
Well...
Jacquelyn Vranicar (08:39.869)
When you're faced with mortality like that, it is a heavy load to carry. yeah, that's really when our entire, I mean, our lives changed. And I started, yeah, I started viewing life very differently. And I will say because of my mom's death, I had already switched my mindset and like just valued.
relationships and how we spend our time, like that shifted for me. So I'd had a greater, greater appreciation since that experience. But this was, I mean, having my own children and being told that you have a disease like this. Yeah, it was like earth shattering. It took a long time for me to get my feet back underneath me. And I mean, it's such a paradox because I would function like everything was fine. Cancer patients do that.
Ellie Ledin (09:22.893)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (09:34.516)
You go about your day to day because what else are going to do? But then you have that you're carrying this, the reality of it with you all the time. And yeah, it has totally shifted everything.
Ellie Ledin (09:50.04)
Yeah, no kidding. Not only, think I hear this often of you hear the word cancer, you receive a diagnosis, not only does your entire world shift and flip on its head, but you also are just in this huge unknown world of like, what does that word mean? What does this?
side effect actually mean? What is this medicine? And so it's this whole, like you really have to just educate yourself so much and there's so much you have to dive into. Just to feel like you have a grasp on what is happening in your body and in your world. Is that something that you and your whole family had to go through as well?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (10:20.315)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (10:28.572)
Yep.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (10:34.942)
my gosh. Yeah, because I think that the media Hollywood paints a picture of what cancer is. And I had walked through cancer like with my mom. So I had seen that and so I knew what it looked like. But I think in my experience in breast cancer in particular, I think that there has been created an idea that perhaps it is not a hard
cancer that we lose our hair, we have surgeries, and then we get to go on. And I don't think that we are doing anyone any favors. I want to, we need to be able to hope in reality in this same hand, because there is so much hope. And, you know, breast cancer treatment does provide
Ellie Ledin (11:05.357)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (11:35.236)
us with lot of opportunities to be cured. But the reality is we are still dying from this disease. And I don't think women know risk factors or enough information about screening. And I say this as someone who thought I knew. I thought that I knew about breast cancer because it is, you know, we have a whole month that talks about it.
Ellie Ledin (12:01.389)
Mm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (12:04.039)
But I thought that older women got breast cancer. And I thought that if you had a gene mutation, that was primarily who got breast cancer. And yeah, I thought that I was doing all the right things. So yeah, relearning all of that. And also that it wasn't my fault. Like had done all the right things and I still couldn't avoid.
getting cancer. So that was, you know, that was interesting. And still, mean, someone now that I spend my time educating about this and advocating for women's health, because I was a typical, lucky dance mom living my life, and I thought that I knew and turns out I didn't. So I think the odds are most women don't know these things that I have learned.
And you know, for the kids, it's, I don't know, I mean, they, we've become friends with families who have lost parents, moms to this disease. So they have a different understanding too of what this is.
Ellie Ledin (13:24.885)
Yeah, for just a quick side note, I guess, if someone is listening to this and they have a general understanding of breast cancer and they, you know, see the ads, they see the commercials about like getting screened, but they don't know what like stage four or metastatic breast cancer is. Could you just talk a little bit about that?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (13:36.25)
and
Jacquelyn Vranicar (13:41.937)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so Metastatic breast cancer is breast cancer that originate or cancer that originates in the breast and then it travels through your lymph system or your blood and then Metastasize or starts growing in another part and mine was my liver, but the other common areas are lung brain bones Feel like I'm missing one but
And then as soon as it leaves that original tumor, is stage four and it is incurable. Like I said, the five-year survival is 22%. Also women diagnose stage zero to three, early stage breast cancer and...
Yeah. Again, holding hope in reality, right? Like women who ring the bell and are deemed cured, the risk of recurrence is upwards of 30%. And then recurrence is when it comes back. Um, and that's usually stage four then too. And so it's, um, yeah. Metastatic breast cancer is, um, yeah, the real, I don't want to say the real deal, but like, that's what everyone's afraid of when you're diagnosed with cancer. It's dying from it.
Ellie Ledin (14:35.895)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (15:02.733)
Mm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (15:04.038)
It's just something I didn't know either. When we, a couple months, we thought I was stage two, I was so scared of dying. I didn't know that, I didn't know you didn't die from breast cancer if it stayed in the breast. I mean, I didn't even think about it. I just thought cancer is deadly. And it is. But yeah, stage four is when you no longer can be cured.
Ellie Ledin (15:10.113)
Hmm
Ellie Ledin (15:20.247)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (15:28.849)
Yeah, yeah, right. Hope and reality in the same whole hand, but like there's hope in progression and in finding a cure always.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (15:29.957)
Not yet. Yes, yep.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (15:38.842)
Yes.
Yes.
Ellie Ledin (15:43.139)
Yeah, and actually I was a facilitator in one of our online support groups for a while. So I was in the metastatic breast cancer group and I love those women. They're some of my favorite people and just, it was so special to step in and like hear people's stories week after week. And one unique thing I think that I was hearing about NBC is that there is a sense of longevity for some people where you
Jacquelyn Vranicar (15:52.505)
Yeah.
Hmm
Jacquelyn Vranicar (16:11.94)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (16:13.112)
get this terminal diagnosis where it's like there's no cure this will end sometime but there were women in that group that had it for like five ten years and that's yeah like you said all their kids knew and that's their life it's chemo it's these appointments and so it's an interesting flip on like you know a terminal illness where someone who gets this a diagnosis a different diagnosis and is told
you have a year to live is very different than like you have this and you could have this for 10 years but you know there's this uncertainty and like this long suffering of like going through it.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (16:56.083)
Yes, long suffering. Yeah. And I think that that is just highlighted in, um, we get a scan every three or four months and that scan will tell us, like, so I go to the end of, um, you know, in a couple of weeks here and yeah, I'll go and when those results pop up, I'll scan to the bottom real quick and see what it says. Cause if my drug isn't working,
Ellie Ledin (17:21.698)
Mm-hmm
Jacquelyn Vranicar (17:24.996)
I have to switch and then that comes with it. What are the side effects of that? I've already like mastered the one that I'm on so that, you know, the unknowns of, okay, what is that going to look like and where has it spread and what does that mean in terms of my health and how I'm going to feel? And then when you start the new drug, then you scan again. Okay. If that's not working, like start another one. Um, yeah, so it is, um,
Ellie Ledin (17:32.619)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (17:53.796)
Always waiting for when is it going to you when how long is it and I? Want to point out you know? People will say but any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow like You understand the sentiment But my response now has been yeah, but if we're both standing on this highway and see a bus coming I can't jump out of the way
Ellie Ledin (17:58.223)
Mm.
Ellie Ledin (18:09.934)
you
Ellie Ledin (18:21.774)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (18:22.967)
Like I have to watch it just, you know, come towards me. And yeah, you can, you can still jump. so yeah, it's long suffering is great. It's like such a perfect way of saying that.
Ellie Ledin (18:40.058)
Yeah, I love that analogy too. I feel like it captures the sentiment of what I hear so often of like what you said of like, yeah, there's a bus coming and I'm watching it come and I just, I can't get out of the way. You know, it's like, how do I spend my time while the bus is still away? Hmm, yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (18:52.867)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (18:59.639)
Yes.
Yep, it's always, I always think about it and not in a paralyzing way. Like I don't, it doesn't prevent me from doing things, but I always, yeah, I'm thinking about it all the time because well, I take medication twice a day and my body doesn't work the way that it used to. Yeah, so it is, yeah, it's a constant.
Ellie Ledin (19:07.47)
Mm.
Ellie Ledin (19:28.126)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, in light of that, like that analogy of like, okay, the bus is coming. How has that pivoted the way that you live your life and especially how you parent? Like you're a mom of four. How has that changed things knowing like, okay, I have this diagnosis and I have these kids here still, you know?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (19:40.564)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (19:45.59)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (19:50.083)
Yeah. I like, this is a perfect example. I like to go to bed early because I'm tired at the end of the day. Right. And, but like last night, our oldest got out a deck of Uno cards and he's like, Hey, who wants to do one round of Uno? And I guarantee you if I was like living a normal life, I'd have been like, you guys, like I'll do it tomorrow. But no, I mean like sat down.
played several rounds of Uno with everyone and it, you know, it was, yeah, just so important. Because it isn't always the case. I mean, we still live such a busy life, so I can't always like laser focus on making everything special. just can't, it's not realistic, but I'm seeing the opportunities when I can. Or if like, like over the summer, if everyone is home,
And I'll say, Hey, I need to run and I wouldn't run a target quick. Does anyone want to come with? And if I can get the chance to just bring one of them with like making that time special where, yeah, we grabbed the thing we needed, but Hey, do you want to look around? Do you want to, you know, grab a drink or something? I'll grab a Starbucks and yeah. So. Yeah. Making like small pockets of time special because I'm hoping that they'll hope they remember that.
Ellie Ledin (21:11.074)
Hmm.
Ellie Ledin (21:15.054)
I love that. It's just, it feels so intentional in the simple moments that I think a lot of us would just overlook because it's like, okay, well I'm tired, I'm going to bed. So I'm not gonna play Uno, but I feel like you have this beautiful perspective and intentionality of like, no, I'm staying up because this Uno game is like sacred and it's special and I wanna step into it.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (21:30.85)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (21:36.492)
Yeah.
And I so badly want to hate, I do hate cancer. But it also has given us so many beautiful gifts. And so that's not from cancer, right? It's what we have chosen to make out of this. But yeah, it's because of it. Yeah, so there's, think that when you can, I want to say I realize how fortunate I am that I don't look sick. I don't really feel sick.
So I can do this. know, I, so many women who can't because they feel so sick and the treatment is so debilitating. So I also like survivor's guilt or whatever, you know, feeling normal. Most of, know, I want to, yeah, be conscious that I've lost so many girlfriends to this disease and they don't get to do this. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (22:35.886)
Hmm. Yeah, that's an interesting phrase that you just brought up too, because I heard that very frequently in the metastatic breast cancer Hope at Home group, where women would be like, it drives me crazy when people are like, but you don't look sick. Tell me, do you get that? And do you have a response to it?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (22:53.601)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't look sick, which is so great. But it's like, want people to know how important this is, like how big of a deal this is. So because I don't look sick and I want this to be important and I want people to want to change this, I'm very vocal about because that's what I compensate.
Ellie Ledin (23:22.702)
you
Jacquelyn Vranicar (23:22.869)
by talking about it all the time because, and that's not for everyone. I understand that not everyone wants to share their story. They want it to be private. but I am loud about this because I'm making this an opportunity to change the future of breast cancer. I honestly, that is what I am doing with all of this. I don't look sick. I can do, I am so able-bodied right now.
Ellie Ledin (23:35.854)
you
Jacquelyn Vranicar (23:52.8)
I want to like see the opportunity to change the future and to save women's lives. And that sounds like cheesy and like impossible, but I know that it's not. I know that it will take all of us to fund research so we can actually cure this. And so I don't look sick.
And I think that that grabs people's attention. And yeah, I am just spending all of my time doing this because yeah, I don't look sick and I am so fortunate for that. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (24:22.862)
Bye!
Ellie Ledin (24:34.382)
Yeah, and I know you have a lot of things that you do and are working on. You've taken this story that you were given, whether you wanted it or not, and turned it into like this beautiful passion. So yeah, you have the microphone. Tell us what you're doing.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (24:43.722)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (24:49.663)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (24:54.753)
Okay, so after we figured out what was really going on with me, yeah, I did a deep dive on really learning about the cancer. And outside of being terminal, the most disheartening part was when I learned that this is the only type of breast cancer we die from and it gets the least amount of research funding.
Like 3 % of all breast cancer research funding is done for the only deadly kind. And I just, it is couldn't, I could not watch my friends die from this and not do something about that. And like I said, it seems impossible, but I was like, if I do nothing, I'm not doing any good. So I founded a nonprofit, Veranicure, and I give all that credit to my friend Nicole.
Ellie Ledin (25:44.142)
you
Jacquelyn Vranicar (25:51.402)
for the name. I was hesitant to use my own name in it, but this is my story and this is them. So it makes sense. And we raise money for metastatic breast cancer research and we educate and bring awareness to it. And then we support the women living with it. have care packages that we give to women going through chemotherapy or breast cancer surgery. And yeah, we filmed a documentary earlier this next week and it
Ellie Ledin (25:52.526)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (26:21.545)
All the funds for that are going to research and the research is happening right here in Minnesota at the University of Minnesota. Really hopeful, promising, groundbreaking research. And it's expensive to do. I mean, by the end of the year, we hope to have raised $5 million so we can move this research that is proven to cure.
Ellie Ledin (26:37.198)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (26:47.018)
colon cancer and now they want to show that they can prove that they can cure metastatic breast cancer. And so we need to, we need the fund that will move it into the next phase of research. And $5 million seems like a lot, but there's a lot of deep pockets. And so I am out there searching for them and taking opportunities, like speaking with you and
Ellie Ledin (27:13.089)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (27:15.028)
you know, selling our merch and we have, we have our little brand of cure heart that we put on everything. And I'll, I always joke, I'll sell anything. Like, what do you want? What do want me to put my heart on? I'll, I'll sell anything if it's going to raise money. And, you know, we've, we've funded work, that is going to save lives and, it is, it doesn't come without hardship.
Ellie Ledin (27:19.828)
Aww. What was that?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (27:44.839)
I mean, like I said, my friend Lindsay and Jodi, actually Jodi and I live near each other, but met through inheritance of hope. went on our trip to Orlando with our families and Jodi passed away this spring. I mean, I could list so many, know, Kelsey, Heather, like everyone, every time I lose someone, my goal gets bigger because
Ellie Ledin (28:11.257)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (28:14.048)
It, we have not cured breast cancer and estimated 115 women die every day from this disease. And I mean, look at me, I am so fortunate. And so I, every single day, all day, I mean, I care for my children too. This is what I'm doing. Like this has become my life's work. You know, I'm a wife and mother and I am, I am determined to see a future where we.
Ellie Ledin (28:32.567)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (28:43.441)
are no longer dying from this.
Ellie Ledin (28:46.819)
Yeah.
It feels so appropriate to then have your name attached to this project because, yeah, like you said, it's your life's work. And the more people you lose from it, the more it propels you forward and just makes it like, this is important. This is still around. And I think that's really beautiful because it's not only your legacy, but then I feel like you're just adding names to the list. And it's for Jodi's legacy. It's for all these other people's legacies.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (28:52.671)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (28:57.961)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (29:01.897)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (29:15.795)
Yes. Yeah, because yeah, their life is important. And yeah, they deserved longer.
Ellie Ledin (29:17.809)
you
Ellie Ledin (29:24.761)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and their kids deserved to have their parents. Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (29:27.934)
They're kids. Yeah. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (29:32.132)
That's where, you know, like at Inheritance of Hope, this is a very specific group that we serve. It's not just like, anyone has cancer. It's really targeted towards those young families where it's like, man, you're just kind of like starting your life and you're dreaming of like who your kids are going to grow up to be. You're dreaming of like what trip you're going to take and seeing them walk down the aisle. And then when you're diagnosed with something like this, yeah, like you said, the rug just gets ripped out from underneath you and you don't know if you're going to be
Jacquelyn Vranicar (29:44.37)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:01.263)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (30:02.095)
around for that. And that feels really messed up. Like you have a visceral response when you hear stories like that. And so that's why we need organizations like yours and like Inheritance of Hope because it's so important. And a lot of times like Inheritance of Hope is completely donor funded as well. So it's like, yeah, how do you just get the word out? And so I hope through this podcast, like people hear this and are compelled and like resonate with it.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:08.827)
Yep.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:22.343)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:25.745)
Yes.
Ellie Ledin (30:32.075)
because they know someone whose story is like Jody's or like yours and you know and I'll be getting any like links and things you want to add in our show notes so that people can find yeah so yeah yeah
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:32.583)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:36.901)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (30:44.669)
Oh, thank you. Be wonderful. Yeah, we actually will be like I said, Jody and I and our families went to on the inheritance of hope trip and then we stay connected and because we have kiddos of the same age and yeah, I whenever I see, you know, her kids or my friend Lindsey's kids or my friend Kelsey's children, like they always
give them an extra squeeze, thinking, you know, they have, of course they have wonderful support groups and the community and their, you know, their dads and, but you know, I always think, you know, this one, you know, give me an extra hug because your mom can't and yeah, it's heartbreaking. I don't do it anymore because it was too hard, but I started journals for the kids.
Ellie Ledin (31:16.153)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (31:30.893)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (31:42.991)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (31:43.398)
when I first was diagnosed to hopefully like keep my those memories of, you know, me with them alive. And it was just too hard. So then, you know, I've been focusing on just building those memories instead of writing them down, just trying to build memories with them instead.
Ellie Ledin (32:03.511)
Yeah, and like you said, I think that would be so evident. I think it's going to be so easily remembered of like, yeah, mom would always stay up or take us to Target or she would do the Uno games with us, which is almost more valuable than seeing it written down.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (32:21.147)
Yes. Yeah. I hope so.
Ellie Ledin (32:23.595)
Yeah, yeah, we do. I oversee our legacy video program, which is obviously about legacy. And I always say, like, yes, of course, everyone should take that step and like record these videos and leave something tangible for your families. But I think before you do anything like that, just take a look at your life. Like if I always say once we're gone, we don't ever get to dictate how people remember us.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (32:29.287)
Yes.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (32:52.507)
Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (32:53.649)
So why don't you start living the way that you want to be remembered? And then see if there's a discrepancy of like, I want to be remembered as like kind and someone who always went on my way. It's like, okay, but are you being kind and are you going out of your way right now? Because right now is when it's inconvenient. you know, so I love that perspective of like doing the things now, even if it means a lack of sleep, even if it's like not necessary.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (32:57.937)
Yeah, that's
Jacquelyn Vranicar (33:07.628)
Yes.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (33:19.206)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (33:23.57)
quote-unquote, it is what's going to be remembered and that's the legacy you're leaving.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (33:27.174)
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Which reminds me, I do need to make my own legacy video. I need to do this. I can't tell you how many people I send your way to do that and I haven't done my own yet. So, as a great reminder, because I think it's such a special, it's such a special gift that you can leave.
Ellie Ledin (33:35.042)
Yes.
Ellie Ledin (33:41.423)
That's funny.
Ellie Ledin (33:50.286)
Yeah.
And the beautiful thing is, like, it doesn't... I always say it, you don't have to capture your entire legacy. Like, that's going to be impossible to do, whether the video is five minutes or five hours. It's how you live your life. And then when you show up to the video, I think the biggest thing is to have people's voice captured and their mannerisms, their quirks. I actually helped my dad record his legacy video and he has a tendency to be like, long story short, and then tell the longest
Jacquelyn Vranicar (34:10.565)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (34:20.566)
Yes. Yes.
Ellie Ledin (34:21.189)
story ever and as he was doing that during his legacy video I'm like I'm so glad this is on video because I will always remember that but having like a video of him saying that is so special so it's less about like how do I portray everything I ever wanted other people to know it's like no just show up and make like a 15 minute video of you just telling a couple stories and that's good enough
Jacquelyn Vranicar (34:26.3)
Mmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (34:35.088)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (34:46.126)
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Ellie Ledin (34:48.451)
Yeah. Well, I will also include the link in the show notes to make a legacy video. That's a great plug. They're free. A coach walks you through it. So it is not as intimidating as it sounds. But yeah, I would love to hear more about the legacy retreat you went on and some of the things that were meaningful for you on that trip.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (35:01.841)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (35:07.002)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, because I want to point out too, because I, when I was diagnosed, I heard about inheritance of hope. And then I went and I added our family's name to the list because I was like, this sounds wonderful. and then maybe I forget two years, our name came up and cause it was COVID during that time. So things were behind. And then I got a call and they said, we'd love to gift your family with a trip and
Ellie Ledin (35:31.022)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (35:39.868)
And I said, but I feel so good. want, shouldn't someone else take this trip? And they said, this is when you should go. When you are feeling good and can enjoy it, go and make those memories. And so I was like, yeah, this is, you're right. So I surprised the kids on Valentine's day. I wrapped up some like summary things because you know, in Minnesota in February, it's
Ellie Ledin (35:50.316)
Mmm.
Ellie Ledin (36:08.015)
You
Jacquelyn Vranicar (36:08.999)
not summary. As they open their valentines and they're like, why is there sunscreen and goggles and sunglasses? And I said, we're going to Disney. And they I mean, it's such a great video. And they were yeah, they were just thrilled. And then I remember when we walked up, they already knew who we were like they knew the kids by name. They they're like Veronica our family.
Ellie Ledin (36:21.677)
Hmm.
Ellie Ledin (36:31.726)
you
Ellie Ledin (36:37.665)
You
Jacquelyn Vranicar (36:38.251)
I mean, I see their pictures, you know, but they knew the kids by name. Right away, the kids felt like they were like the big brothers and big sister all the during that weekend. They still talk about they still talk about them. And so you show up and then you see all these other families. And at first, I was like.
especially my husband, because he was much more private than I am. And he's like, I don't know, I'm to be uncomfortable. We're going be talking about all of this. And then, I don't know, the kids are going to go off and talk with the other kids. And I don't want to be sad. And it was like the opposite. It was the most, it was like we were with friends and family and it was a reunion. And that is saying a lot because my husband's very private. And so,
Ellie Ledin (37:12.687)
Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (37:29.167)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (37:34.522)
He felt so comfortable. The kids, I guess, mean, you know, they were younger at the time and I wasn't sure how they would, you know, handle it. And it was, yeah, it was like they made new best friends. They went in the breakout groups with the other kids and it was never, oh, mom, can I stay with you? It was like, bye, don't come back. We're having so much fun. um, and then, you know, I won't give away any of the special.
Ellie Ledin (37:55.911)
You
Jacquelyn Vranicar (38:04.43)
surprised me along the way but you just treated like you are so incredibly special. The detail that goes into that week, that weekend is just remarkable. We like to talk about how the kids, you everyone gets a wheelchair when you go to Disney just in case, you you need one. And I was, the kids were like, it's gonna get in the way, we don't need it. And then the-
fights that ensued. I'm riding in the wheelchair, no, I'm riding in the... So, I mean, and then zipping to the front of the line of all the attractions and then when the parents get to go to dinner on their own and kids have movie night or spend actual time at Universal, was... I mean, we stayed in touch with some of those families and we have lost several of those...
Ellie Ledin (38:34.563)
haha
Hahaha
Jacquelyn Vranicar (39:01.753)
this woman that I became friends with, you know, have passed since then. But I mean, to have had the opportunity and to have walked through that with them. And I remember sitting in the circle when all the parents and, you know, the moms and the dads were sitting in a circle and everyone sharing about their diagnosis. And I mean,
I don't want to say it was sad, but it was it was like comforting to be with a group like that that understands understands what it's like to watch your spouse live with this. And then as a caregiver feeling helpless a lot. And so you felt so seen and it was yeah, it was comforting. It wasn't sad. It was comforting for the kids, for my husband and I. And then it was and then we had the time of our life.
Ellie Ledin (39:57.263)
Bye!
Jacquelyn Vranicar (39:57.635)
You know, running around and going on the roller coasters and eating fun food. And it was, it's incredible. And every, I mean, I talk about whenever I'm like, Hey, someone's newly diagnosed. Hey, you know what you need to do? You need to get your name on the list. In fact, I've had a girlfriend who, from my experience, she has signed up to be a volunteer with inheritance of hope because she's like, what a gift to be able to.
Ellie Ledin (40:14.575)
Yes.
Ellie Ledin (40:25.613)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (40:27.704)
be with the family and for them to share this with you, such a sacred experience of, yeah, living, you know, closely with death and letting people in on that with you is, yeah, it's incredible. we are so thankful for that experience. we, special gift that, you you get at the end,
Ellie Ledin (40:40.623)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (40:49.647)
Mm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (40:58.028)
We look at it often. yeah, it's the whole thing is just so cool.
Ellie Ledin (40:59.343)
Hmm.
Ellie Ledin (41:04.237)
That was a great articulation and summary of kind of that whole experience. And what's interesting is how you described, and honestly, it's not that long. Like you're there for only a few days.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (41:16.994)
Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (41:17.167)
And you like get to know people like that and the friendships are just so easy and natural But even how you described like there there's some hard conversations there. It's not all like, okay Let's just completely forget about this. It's like no, how do you walk through this like fully embodied and integrated of like This is a reality and we also can have fun like those two things can coexist and we talk about that all the time at inheritance
Jacquelyn Vranicar (41:23.564)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (41:43.379)
Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (41:47.124)
of hope. There can be joy in suffering and joy in trials. It's not one or the other. I feel like your description of that experience for your family was a perfect
Jacquelyn Vranicar (41:51.128)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (42:01.167)
example of that, of like, yeah, you can like go scream on roller coasters and make new friends and like still be in touch with what's actually happening in your world, and it doesn't have to be a war between them. It can be like all holding hands at the same time.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (42:03.575)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (42:12.066)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (42:19.308)
Yeah, and to be with a group that understands that is, yeah, it's incredible.
Ellie Ledin (42:24.321)
Hmm. I would love to hear what is a lesson that you've learned along the way that you don't think you probably would have unless you were diagnosed with this cancer.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (42:37.468)
Yeah, I'm a deep breath because like I said earlier, I don't want to cancer any credit or anything good, yeah, I have gained just focus on what's important. Like the house is, you know, the house can be a mess and we're grabbing dinner and a drive through and we're home late from a sporting event, but you know.
Ellie Ledin (42:39.631)
You
Ellie Ledin (42:43.673)
Haha.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (43:07.896)
We're all there eating our best food together. Yeah, might, kids might get in bed late and.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (43:19.511)
You know, I might call the school the next morning and be like, hey, Drew's gonna, letting Drew sleep in a little bit this morning because we were up late. You know, like just being more relaxed. And I know, again, like sometimes you can't, like sometimes you just, you know, you gotta like, you can't, you gotta just charge on ahead and get things done. But seeing that you don't always have to. And the things I thought I had to do, like things can wait.
Ellie Ledin (43:27.631)
Mm.
Ellie Ledin (43:44.367)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (43:47.604)
and I can be more relaxed and we can, we don't need to rush out the door. It'll be okay if we're five minutes late, you know, just really, taking a deep breath and not rushing through life. Yeah. Seeing even, so my daughter has, had dance auditions, this week and, you know, she signed up for the bare minimum. She's doing two dances, not doing any extras.
Ellie Ledin (44:01.807)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (44:15.894)
is I don't want to give up Friday nights. I know there are some, you know, that would be one requirement. And I think that prior I would have been like, oh, we're all in, we're going to do every dance, we're going to do all the extras. And I'm like, you know, she's seven and we're going to do the two dances and she's having fun. And that's what we're going to focus on instead of, yeah, instead of just putting 100 % into things that
Ellie Ledin (44:32.559)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (44:44.822)
don't matter in the long run when I'd rather be at home doing some other things.
Ellie Ledin (44:46.383)
Hmm.
Ellie Ledin (44:52.033)
I love that advice and it feels so applicable no matter the season of life you're in, no matter your health background. Like that's something that you probably had to learn the hard way. So hopefully anyone listening to this, like just take this advice and learn it the easy way and implement it now.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (45:02.25)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (45:10.236)
Yeah, they're just things that, yeah, they don't matter as much as we put emphasis on.
Ellie Ledin (45:19.415)
Yeah, that's really beautiful. I think we have time for this because I always end with a certain question, but before that, I'm curious what, how this illness has impacted your sense of identity.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (45:35.878)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Let me tell you, it's been very humbling, like truly, because I think as a woman, as much as maybe we don't want to be vain, and it's maybe not even vanity, but you know, I loved my long hair and I have my long hair back, but you know, when I lost my hair and my eyelashes and my eyebrows and then I have surgeries, I have scars,
Ellie Ledin (45:38.403)
Mm-hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (46:03.868)
everywhere and yeah I definitely I've definitely let go of some of that. I still I still love having my long hair back but I pause you gotta pause Ellie hang on Ellie
Ellie Ledin (46:24.175)
You're good.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (46:28.726)
Let's see who's back in.
Ellie Ledin (46:31.448)
You
Jacquelyn Vranicar (46:35.486)
Aiden, you want to say hi to Ellie? Hi. I'm not quite done yet, sweetheart. Do you need something? You're hungry? Parker, will you help her get something?
Ellie Ledin (46:37.197)
Hi!
Jacquelyn Vranicar (46:46.463)
Okay, go ahead. Okay, Parker's gonna help you get something, okay? Okay, well I'll make chicken nuggets in just a minute. I need just a couple minutes, okay? Parker knows how to make chicken nuggets. Okay, and Parker can help you with all that, okay? I just need a couple minutes.
Ellie Ledin (47:05.007)
Yeah, being a mom never stops.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (47:06.377)
Thank you. my gosh. It never stops. Never stops. okay.
But talking about like my identity and yeah, I clung a lot to physical appearance and I had, guess at the 38, I was post menopausal and that, yeah, I am aging much more rapidly than I would be. And so that,
I need to just let go of that a little bit. But still, as a woman, as anyone, but we want to look and feel our best. So a balance of not having my self-worth be in my physical appearance, but also wanting to look and feel good. It's my identity. Yeah, I am not so, I have let go of my...
how much I have clung to like how I look and it's become more about what I do and.
Ellie Ledin (48:20.527)
Hmm.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (48:27.538)
Yeah, how I spend my time.
Ellie Ledin (48:30.457)
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
I feel like this would be a great episode for anyone to listen to if you're walking through the road of NBC. Just to hopefully feel a little less alone because I feel like everything you shared is kind of universal. Like it could be applicable to a lot of things, but especially for the woman who's feeling like, I'm about to lose my hair. And I know I shouldn't have to worry about what I look like, but I do. So I guess what would you say to a woman who
Jacquelyn Vranicar (48:46.164)
Yeah.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (48:50.214)
Okay.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (48:56.104)
Yeah.
Ellie Ledin (49:04.823)
like just entering or is in the stages of NBC whether it's like first diagnosed or in that like long-suffering stage.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (49:15.11)
Yeah. I think that an incredible support group is important. It's, it's, mean, it doesn't need to be a ton of people, but if you have, if you have someone who you can, that can help lift you up when you're feeling lousy, when you're like, man, I don't want to, I don't want to.
Thank you.
Yeah, you go for me.
If there's an online community that is thriving, there are so many women who will hold your hand while it might be across the country. There is an incredible community that will, that is here for you and that has experienced, I can guarantee everything that you will experience. And so you don't feel alone because it is so isolating and
as much as you're.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (50:30.577)
It is hard to really understand unless you're living it. So find your people or your person that can really help you because it is really hard and it's hopefully a long suffering, which sounds, yeah, but yeah, that's what we hope for.
Ellie Ledin (50:50.339)
Mm-hmm.
Ellie Ledin (50:55.491)
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be inheritance of hopes hope at home groups, but I will say being a part of the NBC group For over a year. It was just like Seeing getting to witness like how sacred it was for women Some of them were like having scan anxiety and some of them just got an amazing scan back or some of them were like in the pits and some of them were like I feel great and to have that all coexist and everyone to be like, yep
I've been there. I may be not there at this moment, but like there's space for all of it. Like you said, that community of other people who get it is just so valuable. Well, thank you. That's hopefully so good. And I hope if you're listening to this and you are navigating metastatic breast cancer that you find encouragement in this.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (51:32.263)
Yeah.
Yep. It really is.
Ellie Ledin (51:54.126)
And I want to end with our last question of whose legacy has impacted you, whether in their life or their death, who do you still carry with you?
Jacquelyn Vranicar (52:04.712)
Yeah, I'm gonna say my mom. Because. You know, it's it's been 19 years and the further out it gets, you know, I mean certain things you forget that have happened. They will never forget the way she made me feel. And I remember coming home from college one day. And.
I mean, I only lived half an hour from home, but I think I surprised her or something. And she saw me pull in the driveway and she like ran to the door and grabbed me by the shoulders. And she said, my gosh, you're here. I probably had talked to her already that day. And I probably had seen her not that long before that, but she made me feel so loved. And so, yeah, that legacy of love. And I hope that I also make people feel that way.
Ellie Ledin (52:47.894)
haha
Ellie Ledin (53:01.199)
I love that. There's nothing better than just being greeted in that way, but like if that's someone's posture to you for your whole lifetime, that definitely sticks with us.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (53:08.348)
Yes.
Ellie Ledin (53:16.921)
Well, thank you so much. I feel like this had so many good, just wisdom nuggets in here and your story is just so inspiring and how you kind of carry the torch of your own legacy, but all of the women that you love and have lost to this horrible disease. You are doing really good work and I really hope people are encouraged by everything you shared today.
Jacquelyn Vranicar (53:43.009)
I hope so too. Thank you so much for having me.
