Speaker 2 (00:00.654)
My name is Miguel Tolentino. I live here in Houston, Texas. My wife likes to say I'm a hard-headed person. It's just the way I was raised. Especially by my dad. She knows I'm a big grizzly bear, but inside she thinks I'm a little chihuahua, a little soft, innocent little dog. I don't like to show it, but she sees me as...
I see myself as a grizzly bear but she treats me as a little charming puppy. Even the other one is strong like I want to but yeah so that's pretty much like I said I'm grizzly bear I'm so strong I try to be the man I want to be but on outside but inside I'm just like a little puppy like we try to be.
happiness and all that good stuff. But it's just the way I was raised is tough, but I'm working. I'm working on that.
Could you tell us a little bit about how illness has been a part of your journey, your family's journey, and just give a little bit of background?
The illness, whenever she told me this, whenever we found out, whenever she found out she told me it was, I think the beginning of, I want to say 2022. It was pretty much like a dagger shot straight through my heart because when she told me I was just speechless, I didn't know what to say. And I know she was out of it. Like, as you can tell by when someone's been crying for...
Speaker 2 (01:51.662)
hours you can tell that she was hurt and I don't show feelings, emotions like that. So she pretty much found me like, okay, got nothing to say. was like, no, I'm just speechless. I mean, what are we going to do now? Like this is the first time I ever had to deal with a situation like this.
And then she didn't know what to do either. And she didn't know how to tell my family, how to her family. It took her a minute. I guess she just wanted to make sure everything was, everything was true. Cause you know, sometimes, you know, places they say something, but they see something else. But, but as soon as she confirmed, she automatically had like a meeting with her family and then went to my family and we told them and of course everybody had the same reaction. Like you're joking, right? Like, no, no, I wish I was, but I'm not.
Of course, emotions, the parents, my parents. And luckily, even though with sad news, everything was positive. My parents, my family, they were here with us. They called like every hour, two hours, just to check on she was doing. Her family too, her mama was coming by with her, even dropping us some food. Her sisters were coming here, trying see how she's doing. She was just...
sucking it all in she was just trying to just no she was not she was not alone she was she had me and my family her family and behind her back so that kind of motivated her to you know what okay well let's kick this cancerous butt let's go
Yeah. So who is all in your family? You have kids, right? How old are they? What does your family structure look like?
Speaker 2 (03:47.096)
Yeah, I have my son. He's eight years old. I got my daughter. She's six and those four of us, me and my wife and my two kids and now it's been, it's been very,
I would say it's been a happy place, like I like to say. Because even though with this, it's just like a normal day. She's dealing with her stuff. And the kids, of course, the kids are little. They're just like, oh, mommy, mommy, let's go play. And of course, she her best to be there for them. I guess they started knowing, seeing that her mama's not doing so well. And I think she talked to them.
without me being here, because I know the kids. I already know what's going on. I never asked, I never asked her like, hey, how did the kids know? And it's just like, I'll talk to them. And of course I wanted to see how it went, but the kids understood. guess I wish I explained. So now every time my mom, every time she got up, they're right behind her. Oh, mama, you need help? Mama, you want me to get you some water? Mama, you want to sit in your chair? can put the remote so you can sit. But they pretty much.
Mm.
Speaker 2 (05:00.462)
Therefore, it was something I actually I didn't expect, know, kids at that age are just up and down, up and down. Want to watch TV. They want to eat snacks, eat food. They don't want to be with mom and dad, but they understood. I guess she explained to them as best as she could. And they've been awesome to her. They've just been with her since day one. Until this day, they tried to.
want to help out, they know that she don't need it no more because she's doing better now. So, so they just try to give her a feel that she's not alone, that she gets, she's tired. They can, they'll do something for her. Even though she does nothing, she has nothing for them to do, like get her the water or get her something to eat, a snack, or she wants her, like my son likes to say her, her foot machine as he calls it, because she likes to have the foot massage machine on for his cold foot.
That's like our comfy, comfy area. So, little stuff like that.
I love that.
And that's for the dad. dad is like, okay, puppy, We're mommy right now. Yeah, so man, just go with me, that's fine. Go with your mama. Just doing me a favor.
Speaker 3 (06:14.51)
Right.
Speaker 3 (06:20.47)
So prior to you guys finding out about Inheritance of Hope or going on your Like A Zero Treat, what were some things that you guys were like that just really worried you or things that you were maybe unsure of during that time?
Pretty much that was all me. She was excited. She was happy. guess it was like a, it was the sign for her to go. She needs to be out in the back. she, like I said, ever since we got that, she would just go into doctor visits and doing what they're telling her to do. And I do this much, just pretty much resting at home, taking the kids to school. At that time there were kids were going to school on the bus, taking to school. She didn't really do that much. But I was, whenever she told me, was like, I'm not really one of those.
person that like to travel like that. I'd rather just stay in one spot. So I don't really like to go out of Texas period. Like with Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas is pretty much just spots I like to go by like going out and then find out about this thing that I have no idea where it meant. I when she told me I have to look it up myself and she's like, no, I got it. She had everything set. She she had put the, she had to set up the laptop. She had printed out the paper for me to check it out. Here's the website, check this out.
And as I'm going through it, was like, man, I mean, not catching my interest, but I could see she was so happy. Like it was just, she was just excited. So I was like, you know what? Okay. Even though I'm mine, I was like, eh, not really. I'm not interested, but I saw her so happy. I haven't seen her happy for a long time or since we dealing with the cancer. So I was like, yeah, let's go. Why not? What can go wrong?
Speaker 3 (08:06.638)
I love that. And so going into the retreat, what was your mindset and then how did that change while you were on the retreat? And like, what was it that changed the way you thought about it once you got there?
At the beginning, this is when we landed, because I never left Texas, so whenever we landed it felt different. The atmosphere felt really, really different to compare over here. It was the moisture was stronger, was the air, something about the air was like different, and then passing, going through the retreat, all the roads, the trees, the mountains, all that.
We usually don't have stuff like that when I was there. was just like, man, what did we get ourselves into? It's like in the middle of nowhere. I'm like, oh no. I'm not there. I watch too many scary movies. I'm like, no, no. I can't imagine me being here at...
Once we got there, like a little, start passing the roads and saw a little bridge entrance that we went to and then start seeing all these NASCAR cars that were like in one area, like that little drive-through. It like a racetrack was there and then start seeing all these cabinets. And then I started counting my attention when I was seeing a lot of cars. I was like, okay. I'm expecting people, but I wasn't expecting that much. And then we got to our camps.
We unpacked. I was like, eh, eh, okay. It was pretty much like a regular camp thingy. mean, I did that when I was little, So once we got to the destination, everybody was already at, as soon as we went in, we just got welcomed in by all the volunteers, the people that were in charge were being nice, introducing themselves. And you must be Miguel, you must be Bianca, welcome. I remember you. We talked.
Speaker 2 (09:59.662)
I'm the one that sent the emails, I'm the contact person you've been talking to for I don't know how long my wife was talking to them. And yeah, I welcome. was like, okay, well, cool. And then I started seeing my other families, other kids, and I was like, okay, okay. And then I can tell she was excited. She was already talking to the, I guess the volunteers that were grouped to us.
started introducing everybody that was on the table. And I was just sitting there just like, okay, mean, don't know, nobody here is saying the point of me, you know, talk or anything like that. I'm not a people person. I'm not going to be over there. How you doing? Oh, hey, how you doing? She was, she was just already talking and choosing herself to just random family. So I was like, oh, okay.
But once the next day started, started doing other activities and were really open for me that there was that one of the volunteers that was for the kids that was taking care of my kids. At that time, he was six, if I'm not mistaken, my son. They had him in that scruper down at the six year olds or that age gap or whatever.
We had this volunteer called Micah, Micah, if I'm saying his name right. Micah. Micah, he was so amazing. He actually broke my son's shell. He was very shy. was just like, he was just sick to his mom's leg throughout the whole day and night. He didn't want to go nowhere. He just felt, I don't need to hear. Micah was so trying to convince him, you know, come on, let's talk. What's your name, man? He's just behind his mama saying Giovanni.
Oh, and you're nice to meet you. And he was just going and going at it. And I'm like, good luck, bro. I mean, as soon as he is stuck by mama's leg, he's not, he's not, he's not leaving. Well, no, slowly but surely he just went with them. And throughout those like those, those days, it was just a, it was a different kid. I was like, okay, well, I wasn't expecting that from my son to be like, he was already going around playing, dancing, playing with other kids. He completely forgot that he was shy. He just kept telling us when we were taking breaks, hey.
Speaker 2 (12:15.928)
When are we going back? When are we going back? was like, we're taking a break, slow down. But Micah, he was amazing with him. He pretty much broke him out of his shell. That right there was like, okay, we caught my attention. I was like, okay, well, good thing we came. And my wife's like, see, told you this was gonna be fun.
And yeah, that was pretty much that's how I started to pay attention more. was, you know, seeing all the pain, seeing everybody's slowly but surely started talking to a few families here and there because I was asking to see how they were doing and what they think and stuff like that. But once I got to my group, that's pretty much when my eyes just opened. It was just, it was deep. It was, felt.
Like I was meant to be there. That's how it felt. And ever since that, once we left, I'll tell you the truth, felt bad leaving. I didn't want to leave yet. I just barely started, you know, getting into the rhythm and all that. But no, that North Carolina retreat really opened my eyes. And then as a caregiver, I was like, wow, okay.
So now this, I'm looking forward to this challenge now. So that's when I started, that's when I joined, as soon as we got back, not even a week, I had signed up to join the caregiver group. And ever since that I've been on it. So far I think I only maybe missed twice since I started.
I love that. Shout out to Micah because I got to serve with Micah in Orlando at our retreat. He is a top tier inheritance of Hope Volunteers. So I can definitely see how he could change your mind about something and get your kid out of his shell. He's perfect at that. What do you think for your family at the retreat? Were some of the most like meaningful times together or things that you like?
Speaker 3 (14:28.876)
look back and you're like, I'm so glad we had this time that we did this or anything like that, that as a family you got to make memories together.
Pretty much for me was, of course, my wife. was like, she was a whole different person. wasn't, pretty, pretty forgot like everything that was going on back home. It was just like, she felt like she was in a, like, it was a retreat, but she felt like she was just living life. She was just in nature. She was surrounded by people, trees, birds, doing stuff like that. And the outdoors, it felt like it was, she was a huge.
huge, that we're looking for. It's like huge relief. Yes. Yes. So I'm seeing, seeing her like that. She was just nonstop. She just going back and forth and trying to see what to do. I they had activities for the adults and stuff like that. And then when it came time to those, I was kind of like the stories and people introducing themselves and ones that were volunteering.
the release.
Speaker 2 (15:34.478)
made them be in Iowa each how long they've been there. She was just focused listening, just catching everything. The details to like, oh, okay. And of course there were some parts that were sad. Of course everybody was, you know, I know she was, she was crying, but she, she understood everything that was going on. So she knew that, you know what? Yeah, we can beat this. We can beat this. This is just a challenge on the road for us and nothing that we can't handle. Seeing her like that, I was, I was happy even though I don't show it.
supposed to but that's because that's because I was really based on my emotional layer but I was inside I was happy I didn't to her I wasn't but it's how I was I was and then the guy said my son breaking out of his shell was wasn't expecting that at all ever since that he's just been a different kid even we come home and he's more active he's like to go play he's like he's different strangers he doesn't like try hey my name is Giovanni what's your name and
stuff like that. It's cool. mean, it was something for him that I was excited that the retreat actually helped him out a lot. And as for my daughter, she's still the same as always. She was just running around doing what she wanted to do. She didn't want to stop. She kept on coloring. She wanted to keep throwing those eggs that we were throwing over the bridge or something like that.
Yeah.
She wanted to throw my egg, my wife's egg, my son's egg. She kept telling the volunteers that they had more eggs for her to throw. She wanted to see how far she can throw. And if she would not take no for an answer, she would take a no. She would be looking at me and stuff. And she was off. mean, she, of course, she did not understand. was just there for the... She was thinking it was like a field trip, so she didn't think of nothing else.
Speaker 2 (17:29.294)
Even with the classes, when she was going on her own, they told her what you drew. know, like things you drew like a hand and try to write words, but at that time she didn't really know how to write or whatever. So I think one time my wife went with her and pretty much told her show emotions, what are you feeling right now? And then she was like excited, happy, but I don't know how to spell it. So she would write that down and she would show me, at what I draw, look what I draw, look what I draw, look what you drew.
I understand her handwriting, but of my wife was like, yeah, this is exciting. I was like, oh, you're excited. Like, yes, daddy, I'm excited. I said, that's good. That's good. But no, was, was, was, it was special. It was really awesome to see that. Like I said, I didn't intend to have fun, but I was expecting my wife and my kids to have fun, but they were, it was beyond, beyond that. it was, it was, like said, to me it was a good eye opening night.
Ever since I've never regret going to it. Thank God I went so and my kids and then I would just be home being the wrench but.
So.
You were meant to be there. God had a reason for you to be there.
Speaker 2 (18:43.073)
Yes.
I love that. I love how impactful it was for y'all. I love that it gave your wife just like re-energized like purpose. So coming out of that you said that you didn't even hesitate to join the Hope at Home group. So what has your experience been like being a part of that caregiver group since you've gotten back from your retreat?
It was, I opened it, was amazing. I felt like I meant to be here. By the time when I started, I was going back to him, was like, should I even join? Even though I saw the caregiver group at the retreat, think it was like six of us total. I heard everyone's stories and then I was like, really wanna go? Do I really wanna hear that again? Because I'm an emotional guy. I tell my wife, I'm a...
My family, like my Tolentino family, we're we're meant to be lovers, not fighters. So I really do have the emotions, softness and all that, just like I'm gonna show it. But when I hear other people's, I just start, know, it feels like I'm about to start crying. So I gotta be mad enough and be like, I'm
I can't think of a brain.
Speaker 2 (19:58.798)
I'm making it obvious. I don't really want to hear that, but I was like, man, I haven't said this one for a long time, it's YOLO. Let's go ahead and do it. So I did, and the first one, I stayed quiet. I didn't really speak that much. I was just hearing other people's voice. And I think Mike, the one that was in charge, he pretty much...
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:26.958)
let me speak at the end because I was a new one. And of course I was nervous. mean, I didn't know what to say, but of course I introduced myself. And I asked what kind of a, what's really pretty much what my wife has. And I'm like, oh, it's the cancer. then I talked about the retreat and I feel better. So I started looking forward to the following retreat. And I just pretty much started speaking.
as soon as I could, before I started staying quiet. But no, helped me. That caregiver group helped me out a lot. It actually broke me out of my shell of asking for help, showing my emotions, my feelings, I'm feeling. That group really, really did help a lot. And I saw there's people at work. They saw that I'm a different person compared to they knew me back then.
So you feel more relaxed, you seem more happier, you seem more energetic. just, you're like, okay, you're not, what's going on? And I tell them my situation, because I pretty much, I kept everything to myself. like to tell my business to people at work. mean, you know, family business, family business, there's no need for other people to know. But I asked them about it, was like, oh, okay, I can see that, I can see, oh, I can see that. That's, whatever you're doing.
When I want to get to details and not our business, keep doing what you're doing. You're, you're, you're doing an amazing, you're doing a good job on yourself. And so ever since I can come in for my workers and, my family, just kept on going with it. And ever since I've just been through every meeting, seeing different faces, seeing Mike, seeing Mike Parseal, seeing Bill, seeing, so basically just like looking forward to talk.
see how everybody's doing and stuff like that. Yeah, so I try to join as soon as like, like ours is not Thursdays. As soon as my kids see me in my room and they're all, daddy's going to his meeting. Everybody needs to be quiet. Daddy's about to talk. I'm like, thank you. So they know already that, that is busy from seven to eight. So.
Speaker 3 (22:43.726)
I love that.
you say to someone who maybe is on the fence about joining a group online because maybe they feel like they don't they're like you they're like well I don't really like to talk about myself I don't like to share emotions or I don't want to be online with people I'd rather you know whatever what would you tell someone who has hesitations about joining the group like your caregiver group
Oh, you won't regret it. I mean, I remember Mike says the same thing to me and he usually tells the same thing to every person that answers. Welcome to join our groups or yada yada. I see we have some new people. Welcome. Thank you for choosing to come to our group. But if y'all don't feel like talking, that's cool. We're not gonna say you talk, but you wanna listen and maybe hear another people's stories will get you the mindset to speak.
And you're welcome to speak if not, just happy that we're here. And that's where they got me. I was like, okay, let me hear everybody's stories, see how they're speaking. Because pretty much I was focused on each person, see how they start off the conversation, what they talked about, what's pretty much what they were saying. It's like, okay, it's pretty much like a little backstory, like where you from, how'd you heard about us, what's the status on your spouse.
How are you feeling today? And what can we do to make your day better? And I was like, okay, okay. And then I spoke a little bit. Well, then I started thinking after the meeting, like, you know what? was, like, it was something new, like, to me, because I'm like selling, like, to speak my business to people I don't even know, whoever, and then. And I can see how they're gonna feel if they're thinking about it, stuff like that, but.
Speaker 2 (24:39.086)
Tell you the truth, you won't regret it. It will help you a lot. You might think it might not help you that day, which is cool, because there's some days that I just didn't want to be in it. just wanted to, while I was having a tough day at work, I was just tired, drained. And I was just going to sit down and just listen. But once everybody keeps on talking, the laughter, the sadness, the people, other caregivers are asking, some of them might have a bad day, some might have a good day.
Everybody's cheering them on and praying with each other. So just helping out. They're pretty much motivate you. You know what? I can say something. I'm going to speak. I'm not going to be the Grinch from the group and all that. But yeah, for those that think they want to, but again, they don't want to, once you get on the first one, they will start to make you thinking like, you know what? I think I'm ready to, you know, looking forward to the next meeting. So yeah.
So pretty much if you join this cool welcome, you won't regret it. It's gonna be a different experience. You'll learn a lot. You'll, like for example, me, was, I didn't wanna say nothing, didn't wanna speak to people that I didn't know. But once they know, get to know you, you hear other people's you see how everybody's going through it now that pretty much the base is like, man, okay, well, I'm here, so let's make someone's day.
So it could be in a good day, it could be in a bad day, but they're going to be there listening. They're going to be there giving you a helping hand, even though it's from a thousand miles away. They'll make you feel happy. They might make you feel like you can, you can do this, you know, whatever you're going through. It's okay. It happens, but just keep on going. Don't give up. Take it day by day. Do what makes you, do what makes you, uh,
Take care of yourself or makes you relax. You have a bad day today. That's cool. Let it just go with it the next day. Make it into a good day. Make it into a happy day. Take care of yourself and just pretty much move forward. So yeah, it will be a little bit game changer. Like I say, it will definitely help you out a lot. You might hesitate at beginning, but hearing other people's stories and all that, will motivate you. It will change you and you'll be like me.
Speaker 2 (27:04.61)
you feel like a new person, the person you never thought you had inside you. Okay, thank God I'm a caregiver and hopefully I can help and understand other dads, other men too. Yeah, man, we're hard-headed. Yes, we don't like to show our soft side, but it's good to let people know that you care and stuff like that.
make you really make you better.
Yeah, I think that's such a powerful statement. said of like you saying, thank God I'm a caregiver and to be able to say that so confidently. That's powerful because it doesn't always feel like you lucked out with this and that you are so thankful for, you know, the hard parts of it. But I love the way you said that of like, thank God that I am a caregiver and that your group has allowed you to see that. That's really neat. So.
I love that. Maybe I'll want to maybe I need to come join this caregiver group sometime and say hi. You have two of my favorites in there, Cam and Melissa. and Melissa, because they're in our Jacksonville Hope Hub and they are like my favorites. I love them. So I can't wait to tell them that I know you.
Welcome, yes.
Speaker 1 (28:19.341)
I know.
Speaker 2 (28:30.51)
Yeah, when I spoke about the Hope Hope here in Houston, I was trying to remember, I couldn't remember the names and she's like, oh, you probably were Renee, you from Florida, right? She was like, yeah, oh yeah, that's Cameron and Melissa, yeah. That's when we were talking about your last time. I was like, oh, okay, yeah. And she was there, she said, it was awesome. She's like, okay. Okay, that's good, yeah. Yeah, Renee, she's good people, she's a good person. I was like, Yeah, they're awesome, they're awesome.
They're great. I love them. Well, speaking of Hope Hubs, you came to our Hope Hub Houston meetup in January. And so that's how we got to meet and I got to meet your wife and your cute little kids. And so coming out of a retreat where you got to be in person with people, you said, you know, you were sad to leave that when it was over because you guys just wanted more of that. You joined an online group, you have ongoing community.
What are you looking forward to about what Hope Hub can be for your family being that it's in person in your city kind of ongoing like that? So what is it that you think is that you're looking forward to?
Me, I was actually looking forward to the other caregivers. Looking forward to pretty much my experience if they're pretty much find out they're new caregivers or they've been caregivers but just never did join the group or stuff like that and pretty much make them change their point of view. Like, you know, it's not a bad thing. You might think it's a bad thing, but it's not. It's actually, you know, peaceful. Make you...
I've been through it before. Your mind is just focused on taking care of her, making sure she's taking her medicine, making sure she's taking some rest. Pretty much you focus on her, make sure she's okay. But then you still gotta focus on your kids. If you have kids, you gotta focus on the house, you gotta focus on the bills, other little stuff, cutting the grass, getting the kids ready, doing the clothes, paying bills.
Speaker 2 (30:31.726)
All that and too, but the thing you forget that you gotta take care of yourself too. That's what this, this is what this caregiver group put me through. Cause I was not taking care of myself. My mind was focused on my wife, my kids. I was not focused on myself. I was getting two, maybe three hours of sleep every day. Since ever since we were going with this stuff. Cause I was just, I was just wide awake thinking to myself like, wonder what can I do tomorrow? What can I do for her? Let's see if I can make her something easy before I go to work.
make sure the kids are good stuff like that. So stuff like that, I'd never thought about it when I was, you know, going through this. was just, I was just focused on her. And caregiver reliefs pretty much opened my eyes on that too. So also that I know that I said I was never interested in stuff like that. I was the one of them. I want to make sure the caregivers see that it's, it's worth coming to the Hub Hub and then join the community and.
be there for each other and it's supposed to be in Houston so you can probably have meetups, random spots if people want to make it, maybe it could be a caregivers thing or they can, something like that. My wife's actually looking forward to it. actually said she thinking of, wants to volunteer if whatever they need help on anything whenever.
Yeah, that's what she told me.
Yeah, she's she had asked me to like if you have a higher or anything about it. I was like, no, I know there was a look for a spot, but I have no idea. So I asked and see what they say. But hopefully she's looking forward to it. She's happy. She's looking forward to the. The other spouses with what they're going through the same as she is, and she's trying to make sure they have faith not to give up. Keep fighting. I know it seems tough. I mean, I was there, but.
Speaker 2 (32:19.502)
If I can make it in the other thousand people that I met in the retreat, other people that I've seen the stories in the groups, yeah, I can make it too. She's looking forward to it. As soon as we left, like I said, we left at Hope and Saturday, that's how we were talking about on the way home. So she was looking forward to it and I was like, I'm seeing that happy face that you had when we were left in Curtin, North Carolina. So I know that she's really gonna be looking forward to it. She's gonna be happy.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (32:49.189)
Yeah. I love that. are looking forward to it too. We are so close. We should have our venue locked in like any day now. We've sent them all the things they've asked for. once that's done, we've got to add a few more people to our volunteer team to get it all the way full and then we are ready to launch. So that's awesome. Yes. We're praying that's kind of going to happen very soon. We have
We're up to like 15 families now. Yeah, so it's going to be a great group.
See, that's the thing that we were talking about too, because when we went there, we only saw maybe like three.
There were six there that night. Some of them were kind of mixed in. So there were six total. A couple of the moms are single moms. they gave it up. But yeah, there's we have 15 that are actually registered and there's more that haven't registered yet that we know of. So it's going to be a big group, which is exciting.
Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, was expecting, I was thinking we were just throwing it around. mean, maybe, I mean, Houston is a big place. I'm assuming, you know, there's gonna be, you know, I was thinking maybe like 10. She was like, well, why don't we use like 20 or 30? I was like, hey, like I said, more the merrier. The more the merrier. People that tend not to ask for help is the ones that really need help. can tell by someone's like,
Speaker 2 (34:22.574)
I don't want to be here, stuff like that. deep down inside, looks like I'm looking forward. Maybe someone can talk to me and then inspire me, whatever.
I'm
both of you, your first thought in going into Hope Hub is like, yes, it's going to be great for your family, but you both are like, we want to pour into the other families that are there. And I just, I love that. That's so special. It's, there's nothing better than meeting someone else who gets it. And you guys have experienced that. You've got to meet caregivers who just, get it, they're in it. And that's like an invaluable thing. And so for you guys to kind of have experienced that, and then you get to go into a Hope Hub.
and your first instinct is like, I just want to help all the caregivers. Like, that's amazing.
Who would have thought me saying this? Not even before this, like years ago, I'm like one of the top of person, I have a small circle, I really don't, I'm not a cheap person like that. But me saying that now, it's my wife sees it too, like you changed a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:28.046)
What a transformation.
Thanks, Sarah.
Yeah, you look more, like she said, she likes to rub it on my face. You look, you're more happier. You're more heavenly. look more, you're more lighter, shinier. it. I don't see that darkness in you. don't see like the dark, turn off the light and just just sitting there like, no. I'm not good, but I come to you. was like, okay, okay, you're excited, you're gonna stop. Okay, thank you.
Bye.
Speaker 3 (35:56.526)
you up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
that, well we're excited to get Hope Hub started and for you guys to be a part of it. So for, you know, someone with your story where you were hesitant and now, like you said, there's such a transformation, you've seen the benefit, now you want to help other people, what would you say to someone who is on the fence, not only about like going on a retreat, but just stepping into the inheritance of Hope world overall, like as a family?
to be served as volunteers, as donors, like what would your compelling message to someone be to step into inheritance of hope, whether it's giving financially or giving of their time or joining those communities.
Good question. Pretty much for me as a course caregiver, will be a new experience. will be...
Speaker 2 (37:03.182)
It'll be pretty much you'll be an eye-opener. Yes, it's scary knowing that you're dealing with this, but at same time it's actually a good thing that you're even thinking of it, you're hesitant about it, which is good because it catches your attention. It's just you don't want it to catch your attention, but you're just like, I want to, but then like, I don't want to. What if just they get people get annoying and then.
In all this, man, we have temper, so you hear the same story of blabbering or just people thinking like, you're just exaggerating or this and that, stuff like that. no. It's worse, like I said, listening, seeing everything was going on. And like I said, it got me, so you can get anybody, because I'm a tough man. Just because of the way I was raised, was raised to be a fighter, don't you?
Don't give up. Don't show your emotions though. That it just be a man. Just keep moving forward. There's no such thing as there's no time for tears. There's no time for sadness. Just so it like this ever since we joined this, it's just pretty much open another person in me that I know I could be a I am now. So it's joining this.
the IOH, will definitely be, definitely will be worth it. Whether you're hesitant or not hesitant, you're thinking about it. Just go for it. There's no need to be scared or overthink it. Just like a nightclubber to just do it and then you'll see what, you know what? I think I'm interested. think I'm gonna keep on going. And then like I said, listen, it's good, but.
And surely you'll pretty much break out of the shell and then be just like me, like, oh, looking forward to next week. Oh, and see if I can change someone's, make someone's day today. Whether having a good day or day, I'm gonna try my best to keep myself happy and of course, other people happy. So, IOH is amazing and yeah, so it'll be an awesome experience.
Speaker 3 (39:22.702)
love that. It kind of requires a little bit of stepping into some discomfort and some fear or unknown, but it sounds like you've experienced a really beautiful reality on the other side of that discomfort. So yeah, I hope that, you know, people would hear this and feel compelled to jump in because obviously it sounds like it's been a really wonderful thing for your family.
you're experiencing like ongoing connection and community.
Okay.
Yes, yes, like I said, especially as men, know, as men don't like to, you know, speak, like show emotions. know there's quite a few people that I know that like, they're like, don't want to show that soft part of them because it make them look weak. I mean, I was like that too, but now I'm just like, man, really care less what y'all think. I'm weak or not weak. I'm happy. If I'm showing my emotion, I'm crying just because I'm crying. yeah, I'm crying. mean, I'm crying. I'm happy that my wife's still here. My wife's still fighting. My wife's being herself again.
And I want the same feeling I have to other caregivers, especially in us men, because we love to show emotions like that. I like to change another caregiver's opinion, whether they're going against it. And it's OK. I know if I ever do talk to them, that's going to be some man that's looking at me like, oh, you're soft or you're this and that. I'm like, oh, that's cool. mean, that's cool. That's your opinion. But I'm just from experience. I mean, you might think it's.
Speaker 2 (40:56.512)
It's not okay to ask to help, it's really, really much needed in yourself that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to have emotions. It's okay. Even if you don't want to show it, you can go to a quiet room. can be in your car, your man cave, your garage. You can just sit there and just ride it out, scream it out. You're having a bad day. You're, you're,
Boring about things. It's okay. mean, just let it out. It's nothing to... It's not worth holding in the back because one of the caregivers that I had in my group called Bill, he pretty much opened me on something because I wasn't to carry myself. And pretty much he was hearing a story and he automatically stopped. He unmuted, said, Miguel, before I don't want to be rude, I won't interrupt. But you have two kids, right? Yes. You have a wife, right? What will happen to them? You're saying that I'm not, but what will happen to them?
If you don't take care of yourself and two weeks later something happens to you, who's going to take care of your wife and kids? And I was like... I pretty much got me on charge and I was like, hold on bro, you're on something. Yeah, nobody. Exactly. That means you're going to leave that burden on your wife. Her going through what she's going now that you're gone and then have to focus on the kids. God forbid, it might make it worse.
Thank
Speaker 2 (42:22.496)
on her because now she has to care of the kids and you're not being there. So I've been through it before. He'd been through it before because he was an army. He's in the same thing I am. Got the little kids about the same age as mine and all that. So he said he's been there before. He's to the point where he thought other bad stuff. But what kept him going was his wife and the people that care for them and love them. This group has helped me a lot too. And then I was, it pretty much opened my eyes to let you know what, Bill?
Thanks, I needed that. And that day, that night went from me being what I was talking about, it just pretty much made my night. And ever since that, they would build stuff and take care of myself. been making sure I'm not overdoing myself with work, trying to do everything at the house. Yeah, there's stitches there. It's okay to do this. The clothes, can wait. You can do it the next day. Don't worry about the lawn. It's not that big.
There'll be another day for that. So now I'm usually taking it day by day. Now I'm not thinking many things at once. What am I gonna do today? What am I gonna do tomorrow? What am I gonna do after work? What am gonna do before I go to work? Stuff like that. So, yeah, so I'm looking forward to the challenge. I mean, hopefully I don't get to the point where I need to go back and forth, back and forth for another care. But like to show them that it's okay to be against it. But in the day, you're doing it.
yourself and you're doing it for your spouse and you're doing it for your family. That's the thing that matters the most is your family. But like I I understand how we men think and hopefully I can change other, it could be a matter of can feel the caregiver's opinion like you're not the only one. We are going through it, so.
mission.
Speaker 2 (44:09.996)
We need one another, so.
Miguel on a mission.
Yes.
I love it. So we obviously as a nonprofit rely on generous donors and investors and people to do all these programs for families. so to someone who has donated to make these things possible for you to experience this life change, like what would you want to tell someone who gave so that you got to experience this and like what does their generosity mean to you?
It's a blessing. They're helping not just me and my family, but other families to motivate them to there's people out there that really do care and they're giving them out. They're giving out their time and effort and helping funding this I'll wage and giving out, you know, donating money and stuff like that. And it helps a lot of people knowing that, you know, they're, they're not by themselves. They got, you might not have help from your family or friends, but you got.
Speaker 2 (45:18.466)
people donate that care and that pretty much makes them feel special, makes them feel like they're being loved even though other people don't show it, but people that donate help out a lot by making me, everyone else have a fighting chance. So it's a blessing that they do that and grateful that they're donating.
making other families have a fighting chance.
awesome. agree. So we want to ask everyone
Who's legacy has impacted you? Who has been influential in your life through the way that they lived and what they prioritized? It could be someone who passed away, someone who helped raise you, it could be someone who's currently in your life, but just someone who has had a really big influence on you and that they've just...
live have left a meaningful legacy with you.
Speaker 2 (46:31.008)
It's actually kind of tough because the two people that come to mind, it's...
Of course, my grandma, she wasn't a tough, tough, tough woman. That's the thing, that's where we get our toughness from, is from my mom, my grandma's side. Even though my dad was kind of tough, but my grandma was tough as nails. She will fight you, you know, either where she's wrong or right, she will make you, let you know, like, hey, I'm the grandma. Don't talk to me like that. Hey, I'm your grandma. When I say something, go by.
And sometimes I'm with my kids and sometimes I just catch myself like grandma. I mean, looking around, grandma, you still here? Because something just like you, me talking to my kids. But I know if you leave, toughness in me.
Do you think that the transformation that you've had and how you've now sort of let your softer inner mushiness kind of come out a little, you think she'd be proud of you for that?
Most definitely. Most definitely. She would probably rub it in my face. I'm like, she probably would be like, I thought you said, don't cry, huh? Why are you crying now? Why are you feeling like, now you want to show your emotions? Where was the Miguel that was like, no, grandma, There's no time for sadness right now. And of course, my uncle, he was just the coolest, coolest man. Like, he'll greet you. He'll, he'll, pretty much try to make your day. You know, he might see a random.
Speaker 2 (48:01.422)
person, or hello, hey, how you doing, sir? How you doing, man? He put, he just say something, put a smile on his face, okay, my mission is completed. He just say, have a nice day, bless you, good morning, good afternoon, how are you? Stuff like that. That one really hit hard. And knowing my uncle was always a good man, he always put a smile on everyone's face.
He would try to put smiles on us even though we were teenagers back then, know, trying to talk to your uncle, trying to talk to him, but like, oh, I'm going to be fine. But now I think about it, it's like, I should have listened. should have, uh, take his, you know, opinions about stuff like in life and stuff like that. Everyone taking the trip, you know, uncle just want to be an uncle. He just wants to, you know.
Yeah. Well, it seems like both of those people's legacies are living on through you between like the toughness, but like the kindness towards people and like even your hope to reach other people in the caregiver community. It feels like you're living on your uncle's legacy and your grandma's legacy and like this really cool mix.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, I'm talking about you. Right. Yeah. I'm talking about this. It's just like, hello. It's like right there. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. No, my grandma would have seen me like that. She would have been so happy. I know she was happy, but she would have been like, yeah, I finally see you finally see this side of you come out. Took you long enough. My grandma would have been so happy. Like I she definitely would rubbed it in my face, but she definitely would have been happy knowing that I was able to, you know, break out of that show. What she was doing.
was tough road, like I said, the way I was raised, my pops and then he was raised, was just, we were just meant to be tough, we didn't have time for the other side of us. like I said, I'm just, thank God that I was able to go to the retreat, see other caregivers, join the group, hear other people's that pretty much broke me out of the shell. then like I said, hopefully help other caregivers.
Speaker 3 (49:59.854)
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:15.192)
You're going to. You will.
Yeah, so I'm looking forward to it. Looking forward to it.
Well, I'm so thankful that we got to have this time together and to hear your full story. And it's just such a privilege for us, you know, on behalf of inheritance, to get to serve your family and to get to be with you guys, but also to get to continue to be with you guys and see your journey as you go forward. Because I know for a fact that you're going to have such a big impact on so many people.
And right in the Houston area, in your caregiver group online, you were made to do big things with us. So I'm so excited to be a part of it. I'm grateful for this time together. So thank you for just sharing and being open.
Thank you looking forward to it like it's I've never second I respect for me to be like this Yeah, when I got the email the first time when I got the email the first one I'm actually replied and said yes And I thought myself and I was like did I really just say yes, or even thinking about it?
Speaker 3 (51:25.359)
I thought I was gonna have to really sell you on it and really ask you to be like, you've got this, but you were like, yeah, I'm down. I was like, oh, okay.
Yeah, and I was at work too. I was at work too. I was in the freight elevator. I was just there and then all of sudden I just seen it. I was like, read it. And the first thing was my mom had just took over. like, yes, it'll be an honor. When I sent it, when I sent it, I was like, did I just do that? I had to recheck my email to see if I sent it. And then my mom, my mom, my hand just went straight to my heart. It was just like, okay, that's the sign. My hand just went, oh, all right, cool. I guess it was meant to be. So let's see how goes.
