Joe and his wife Ashleigh Quirarte were about to conclude one chapter of their lives, when Joe’s unexpected diagnosis brought a sudden change of plans. Follow the couple as they navigate their journey through terminal illness in this article.
After twenty years in the army, Joe Quirarte officially retired and began planning out his next steps with his wife Ashleigh. They had big plans of traveling around the world with the new family they were starting and wanted to see about having jobs within the government.
But first, they flew from Germany back to the United States for the first time in a while to visit their family. The trip was peaceful until Joe felt a sudden wave of nausea and dizziness while in his family’s living room. Thinking that he was suffering a negative reaction to some of the food he ate earlier, he started walking to the bathroom but was losing his balance by the second in the hallway. One of the last things he remembers telling his wife was “Something is wrong. Something is not right. I don’t feel right” before his speech devolved into gibberish.
Ashleigh nervously dialed 911 and firefighters soon arrived. Around this time, Joe’s speech became comprehensible again as he complained about having a metallic taste in his mouth.
Firefighters figured he just had a really bad case of the flu since Joe was only in his late 30s and he looked so healthy after many years in the military. However, his mother still wanted him to go to the hospital to rule out any other diagnoses.
Ashleigh stayed behind to get their children to sleep when Joe’s mother was rapidly calling from the hospital to inform her daughter-in-law that Joe had a seizure in the hospital.
Joe was put into a medically induced coma to deal with his seizure and once he was awake, got an MRI to see if the seizure was signs of something else. Since Joe recently had dental work done, the doctors thought he may have had an abscess that spread to the brain. The couple was optimistic when hearing this and was hoping for the best when a neurosurgeon came to them and said “Hey, you guys are going to have to sit down… based on the MRI, we think it’s a glioblastoma and we think Joe probably only has 12 to 18 months to live.”
Figuring out the Timeline
For a moment, it felt like time stood still as they tried to make sense of Joe’s new terminal diagnosis. Ashleigh especially felt torn by this news because she never expected “to hear that your healthy 38 year old husband is going to die soon.”
The news felt almost unreal, prompting the couple to look for several other opinions from many doctors in the San Francisco area. Fortunately, they didn’t agree on the previous timeline given to Joe and thought he may be able to live longer because he was younger than people who usually had his diagnosis. This and a mindset change has helped the family cope.
“We refuse to believe Joe isn’t going to be here next year. We plan for things and that’s been instrumental to us. We still have fun. We have things to look forward to.” Ashleigh added. “We are living everyday as two parents to two young kids and we take each day as it comes.”
Currently, they live with Joe’s mother as they house hunt for places around University of California San Francisco, a front-runner in glioblastoma brain cancer treatment who removed his tumor. While glioblastoma tumors have a 100% chance of returning after removal, Joe is thankful that his tumor wasn’t in speech or movement related areas of his brain and “grew where it did because it was relatively safe to take out without too many consequences.”
He’s looking at 3-5 years left to live and wears a device on his head to send therapeutic electrical currents into his brain which kill cancerous cells and keep healthy cells safe. Though it’s awkward always wearing the device on his head, Joe proudly stated that he’d “dress up as Bozo the Clown if it gives me more time with my kids.”
On top of wearing this device, he undergoes radiation therapy, chemo, and constant doctor visits with Ashleigh right by his side through all of it. Joe is forever grateful to Ashleigh for being his rock during this process while also helping with the kids, telling her that “It’s kind of cliche for me to say that I can’t do this without you, but I literally can’t do this without you.”
Joe seems to be tolerating all the treatments well, but the family knows that the tumor will eventually come back. They just don’t know when. For Joe, he’s even said that he doesn’t feel like he’s dying when he wakes up in the morning feeling great. “I’ll play with my son, get him ready for school in the morning, drop him off. We lead relatively normal lives, you know?”
Living on the Record
After seeing the importance of record keeping when a cousin cried from watching videos of her late father and hearing his voice for the first time in years, Joe and Ashleigh focused on spending as much time as possible with each other so that they can create various memories together before his passing.
Inheritance of Hope became part of this mission when Ashleigh heard about the Legacy Videos™ program. Though their kids are still quite young, she wanted to keep records that would remind them of their father for years to come, stating that “Having the video, having the song, having the cards, pictures, photos, you know as much as we can, it will never replace his physical presence, but I think it will provide comfort for all of us.”
At the end of the day, Joe hopes that his “kids are happy and successful, respectful and respected members of society.” He’s made peace with his limited time as it’s given both him and his family an opportunity to “get our affairs in order.”
They regularly attend Hope@Home™ Groups to work through their feelings and are “really thankful to Inheritance of Hope for letting us share our story.”
Hear more of Joe and Ashleigh’s story on the Inheritance of Hope Podcast. Listen now >>
Kennedy Owens a Content Contributor for Inheritance of Hope. She is currently studying at Florida Southern College with a major in advertising and public relations, and is an active participant on her school campus as the Event Coordinator for the Young Adults Self Advocates club and Brand Manager for the school’s radio station The Hiss. She enjoys all things writing-related and likes to serve her community the best she can.