As in most homes, if one of our children does something knowingly wrong, he or she most often faces an established consequence.  However, on occasion, my children will receive “mercy,” or not having to endure the consequence of a wrong doing.  For example, if a child complains of being “bored,” the established consequence is to immediately find a messy room and clean it completely before moving on to any other activity.  On occasion, however, mercy will be granted and the child is allowed to search out an enjoyable activity without first having to clean a room.  Furthermore, on an extremely rare occasion the children may receive “grace,” or a REWARD given after a wrongdoing.  Sounds crazy, huh?  For example, my children were warned repeatedly about leaving their bicycles in the driveway.  One morning we woke and I went out the front door to find three bicycles lying in the driveway, wet from the previous night’s rain.  My inclination was to blow up and remove their privilege of riding bikes for at least 15 years, but instead I returned to the house, asked the children to get their shoes on, and I took them out for donuts.  I explained over our sugary breakfast that this was grace … to be given a wonderful gift (what could be more wonderful to children than donuts?) when what they deserved was punishment.  Yes, this is crazy parental behavior, but God does this for us every day!  Romans 6:23 explains that “the wages for sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  We deserve death for all the wrongdoings we commit, but God instead gives life everlasting in a world more perfect than we could ever imagine.  What AMAZING GRACE!  Again, I must admit that I do not recall where I learned this clever teaching tool, but to whoever you are who thought of this idea, I thank you.  This simple tradition has made an impression on my children, and for that I thank God. 

Allow me one small indulgence as a mother.  I would like to share a story about one of my children.  Yes, like most moms, I love to tell stories about my children.  But I have also come to believe that we can learn a lot from their innocent queries and fresh wisdom.  When Luke was just six-years-old, he came down with a terrible cold.  This cold brought on Luke’s first real asthma attack, which I recognized immediately because both my older daughter and I have asthma.  As I snuggled with Luke in my bed, praying the asthma medication would quickly ease his heavy breathing, he turned to me and whimpered that it was hard to catch his breath.  In an effort to comfort him, I told him that I often had difficulty catching my breath, too, and it would soon feel better.  He looked at me with eyes of acceptance, no fear, and asked, “Do I have cancer, too, Mommy?”  Oh, how his question broke my heart!  Not because it frightened him; in fact, he seemed unconcerned.  He was voicing one of my greatest fears – that he or his sisters would someday have to struggle against the same cancer that continues to fight within my own body.  I have read that small children who live with an ill parent struggle most with two primary questions, (1) can I catch it, and (2) is it my fault?  I thought I had worked hard to ensure these questions were not a concern for my children, but it seems they might fester in the back of a child’s mind despite one’s best efforts to negate them.  Once again, our trust must be in God, that His almighty peace will envelope the child, answering all the questions we do not even realize need to be answered.

My doctors do not know enough about this cancer to know if it is hereditary, so it is something my children will have to guard against as they grow older.  When I think about my legacy and all of the things I want to leave my children, cancer is certainly not among them.  However, my prayers as I have traveled this journey have changed.  Just after my diagnosis, my prayers were adamant.  I asked God to protect my children from this cancer.  I never wanted them to experience anything similar to what I had endured.  However, during this time of trial, as God has showered me with blessings, comfort, peace, and indescribable joy, I realize that if I were able to protect them from the most difficult trials, I would also be keeping from them those indescribable blessings.  This illness has made my life richer, and I want my children to experience that richness.  Do not misunderstand, I am not asking God to give them cancer.  However, I am trusting that if He allows a difficult trial in their life, it will be accompanied by divine peace, comfort, and joy.

I have grown to believe with certainty that the greatest legacy I will leave for my children is not protection from hardship, but is instead the gift of prayer.  This gift must start NOW; it absolutely cannot wait until they have grown.  I decided several years ago that I wanted some sort of tangible way to remind my children of those endless and continued prayers I have prayed for them.  At that time I bought three small stones, each engraved with the name of one of my children.  Most nights as I lay in bed, I hold each rock in turn, praying for that child.  I do not contend that there is anything magical or special about the rock itself, of course; yet, it is a simple reminder to them of the time I spend praying for them.  I pray for their daily needs, such as the recovery from a cold, a better understanding of a difficult math concept, or an added measure of patience with a little sibling.  I pray for their future, including the friends, teachers, and mentors that God will bring into their lives who will have such a great impact on their development and character.  I pray for their future husband or wife, that that person is being loved and cared for and will do the same for my child and my grandchildren.  And, most importantly, I pray for their salvation in Christ and their ultimate delivery to heaven, where we will again be joined in God’s awesome glory.  I pray this prayer most fervently!

To all of you who have young children, I must share with you what God has shared with me. We are everything to our small child, and consequently, this is our greatest chance to establish a legacy - traditions and family values that will stick. My children are now ten, eight and six years old. Though my youngest, Rebecca, certainly recognizes that I am far from perfect, and is quick to point this out, I believe that in her lifetime, my husband and I are as close to perfect as she will ever see. Now that you are thinking that I may be the most egotistical person on the planet (please don’t stop reading just yet!), let me explain.

Think back to your earliest memories. In mine, I remember my parents and a handful of other adults with whom I was very close. I remember that these adults were rarely capable in my eyes of doing wrong. Part of this was because my understanding of the specifics of right and wrong remained unclear. Consequently, if an unclear action was condoned by a respected adult, it was deemed right, and conversely, if an unclear action was condemned by a respected adult it was deemed wrong. Picture a school playground. Two young girls are kicking a bouncy red kickball back and forth. A third girl runs into the center and kicks the ball away, chasing it playfully while calling back to the two other girls to follow her. The two startled girls who had been the original kickers look towards their first grade teacher, who is looking on with no reaction other than a slight smile. All three girls now accept this as acceptable behavior. A few minutes later, a third grade girl runs over to the three girls kicking around the kickball, snatches it up, and rushes back to her established game of four square (whose ball had just been lost over the school fence). The teacher walks over and explains to the third grade girl that it was unkind to steal the kickball from the younger girls. All four girls (and others watching as well) now accept this as unacceptable behavior. It does not mean that the third grade girls will not try to steal the ball again when the teacher is not looking, but these children are sinful creatures just like the rest of us, right? Nevertheless, they do now accept the behavior as inappropriate. My point? Please never underestimate your impact on the moral and spiritual legacy of not only your children, but also other children who have been entrusted into your care. I believe it is not only our action, but our inaction that can make a lasting impression on the moral compass of a child.

While our preschoolers are at home, not only are they extremely impressionable, but they are also a captive audience! I have learned, I pray not too late, that without the distractions of school, friends, and various extracurricular activities, they are excited to spend time with me. As the mommy, I am the most popular gal in the group! They want to bake with me, play games with me, read with me, and do just about anything I want if we can do it together. What precious time to share all that I hold dear to my heart. They want nothing more than to be just like me. A lot of pressure? Absolutely. But I pray that God will give me the strength and discernment to be a good example and the faith to trust that He knew what He was doing when He entrusted me with a child whose desire was to be with me. Mt heartfelt prayer is that God will use all the little and big mistakes I make for good and for growth both for me and each of my children.